I am always between two worlds, always in conflict. I would like sometimes to rest, to be at peace, to choose a nook, make a final choice, but I can’t. Some nameless, indescribable fear and anxiety keeps me on the move. On certain evenings like this, I would like to feel whole. Only a half of me is sitting by the fire.
I said, I love you
when I meant something much
more specific, I should have said,
Please don’t leave me,
I’m afraid to sleep alone.
Then the men we try to love say
we carry too much loss, wear too much black,
are too heavy to be around, much too sad to love.
Then they leave, and we mourn them too.
It’s a bad habit of mine to say “I’m sorry” as a reaction to everything. It comes out whenever I’m sad, scared, or confused, even when I’m the one getting hurt.
How fragile we are, between the few good moments.
I hated myself for needing him at such times, for craving his strength whenever I felt upset.
Be the love you never received.
maybe I’m the worst person in the universe but I always try my best for you
People scare me. They change their minds so quick. One moment it’s “I love you” and “you make me happy” and the next it’s “I’m not sure anymore” and “this isn’t what I want”
darknesstohislight 