personal – Page 21 – darknesstohislight

i just took my dog out for a walk and got so nostalgic.. the fact that it’s already september and autumn is just so odd to me, because last year in september so many significant things that really marked / influenced my life since then happened – for example last september i got together with my (at that time) best friend and i fell super duper in love with him and was (even though for a short time) crazy happy – and it’s just so weird to think that it’s already been a year.. and idk i just started thinking while i was walking in the park with my dog that at this same time last year i’d be walking at the same park and holding hands with my ex and i just remember being so happy and then the whole thing just turned into a disaster that’s still not entirely over..

idk it just made me really nostalgic and kind of sad but it also made me realize that a big part of my life is still based on the events that happened a fucking year ago, therefore it really is time for me to just give up on trying to fix the entire thing with my ex and move the fuck on because it’s just not worth my energy anymore. i’m also really glad that i’m moving to uk in two weeks so i will get a fresh start, since everything here is still the same with the same people and i’m just so done with everything and running away from it all is just the best thing i can do about it.

IM ACTUALLY GETTING REALLY EXCITED ABOUT GOING TO UNIIIII !!!!

so this just happened: i was arguing with my sisters at the table over some random stuff so my mum was all clever and said “do you guys fight over boys like that as well?” so i was just like lol no they’re not worth us fighting and my whole family just came down at me and started lecturing me how can i be so disrespectful to men -_-

i find it kind of funny when a random person you used to get along with some day just randomly gets super offended by you for some unknown reason and instead of confronting you about it just unfriends you on facebook and unfollows you on all the social networks and starts telling everyone what a bitch you are and other shit about you… and it’s like what have i ever done to you..

honestly i don’t know whether i should be flattered that i apparently have that much affect on their life or just not care

as much as i’m trying to be okay with having small boobs every time i see a girl with nice cleavage im just like ugh so unfair

all i’ve done today was watched an entire season of keeping up with the kardashians

all the girls that are going to do psychology with me at uni are so pretty i’m going to be like an ugly duckling amongst them

i got home too late again. too drunk again. crying my eyes out again.

my friend today was like “you should just get over him maja nothings gonna happen ever again” and i just cried even more

and my ex was there the entire night not giving a shit

but it hurts so much and idk how to move on and he knows mebetter than anyone and ugghgghh i just…cant deal with this

i lost so much weight in the past two weeks because i was drinking a lot and not eating and under a lot of stress that i look sickly skinny and it makes me feel really bad about myself

so i went out with my friends tonight to celerbrate me being accepted to uni and my ex was also there

and i got drunk and i went to talk to him and i dont really remembe r but i told him that i still love him and basically i dont remember what he said but it was like he doesnt care but he said that i should call him before i leave so we can go out just the two of us for one last itme

and i just ran away crying

idk what to do i dont deserve this bullshit