Tag: personal

ive been snapchatting with my fwb a lot the past few days and tbh i actually really miss him and like he’s the only guy i feel like having anything with atm even tho its completely casual but hes in london and im stuck here in slovenia and im not gonna see him until the end of september when i go back to uni and that sucks also it’s really frustrating 

it gets me so frustrated how im not able to learn to play piano by ear, i spent such a big part of my life in music school learning to play a bunch of instruments and yet i need sheet music to learn even the simplest songs >.<

am i overreacting if i’m angry with my best friend for all of the sudden hanging out and becoming friends with a guy i used to be seeing until recently and she was never friends with him before now, and he was the biggest dick to me and treated me like shit and she was there witnessing it and knows how hurt i am over it?

i hate it when i open up to people about how my dad abandoned me when i was a kid and how that affected me and they are like “yeah but you were really young so you barely remember it and you have a great step-dad it doesn’t count” like shut the fuck up you don’t know what it’s like to spend your whole childhood waiting for your dad to show up and then when he doesnt, wondering why the fuck are you not good enough for him to love you like he loves his other kids and waiting every single birthday for him to write you but he never does and then listening to your mum excusing him how “its not that he doesnt love you he’s just bad at expressing it” just because she’s trying to protect you from being hurt, if you havent been through the same thing stfu and dont tell me how i am or how i am not supposed to feel

so i found out today that my relationship with the guy at uni that i was seeing 2 months ago didn’t work out because his friends were telling him how he is not a relationship person, how he is just going to hurt me and how we probably don’t like each other enough (which is not true) for it to be worth the struggle so it’s better to just end it. i know he’s been struggling with these insecurities himself, but i thought he was overcoming them, so for the past 2 months i’ve been wondering why he had dumped me and now knowing one of the main reasons – i can’t decide what makes me sadder; the fact that it fell apart because of something so stupid as his friends’ bullshit comments or the fact that he listened and believed them.

for my part i liked that boy so much that i still can’t believe how i managed to develop so many feelings for him in such a short time and i know that even though now he claims that he never cared about me, at one point he felt the same and i know i made him happy. i’m slowly realizing that things are really over between us this time and that we won’t get back together like we did before and i’m trying my best to get over it because after 2 months it’s stupid that i’m still sad about something that wasn’t even a serious relationship, but it just makes me so angry and frustrated because i know that what we had was really good for both of us, making us both happy and had so much potential and he threw it all away because of his insecurities instead of at least giving it a try.