Tag: personal

my bf is out tonight with the intention of “getting majorly fucked up” bc thats apparently his tradition every christmas eve and i don’t mind him going out, but i’m at home in another country atm missing him and i just worry about him being alright. it’s not about not trusting him because i really do, but i just don’t like him going out of control drunk or doing any drugs, especially when i’m not around idk maybe im just being dumb

omg its 5.30 am and i suddenly remembered my shitty, manipulative ex out of nowhere and how i was ready to do anything for him and let him become my whole world, while he was lying, cheating, humiliating me in front of all of our friends, then guilt-tripping me and making it his goal to prove to me just how insignificant i was to him. i did some terrible things to myself and others because of this toxic situation that was going on. all that while i was just waiting for him to love me back, forgiving him for everything and constantly taking him back –for 3 fucking years.

i feel like this is the first time that i properly see things clearly without still being emotionally involved with him and it makes me so angry. i’m with someone who actually treats me well and respects me now and i’m so mad that i let that shitty human being make mefeel so much that i still now compare my feelings for him to my feelings for my current boyfriend and let it affect me in any way. i said i was done with him so many times before, but he always somehow got me to take him back, and i really hope it’s true this time. idk i’m honestly suddenly feeling disgusted now that i could ever fall so low and i can’t sleep because i just keep raging in my head.

so many of my friends are trying to give me doubts about my relationship and saying its ‘dysfunctional’ and that me and my bf are incompatible and that i don’t like him enough, and like i know my relationship is not perfect and maybe i’m not crazy in love with my bf (yet) but he’s a genuinely good person and he treats me really well and i can say i’m happy again after i’ve been really bad for a very very long time and i hate that people are trying to make me doubt especially when i’m already super insecure about relationships as a whole and it’s a miracle that i haven’t ruined it yet so far

i am so happy lately, in terms of personal life thing literally could not be better (in terms of uni im kinda failing some of my classes but ok), i’m in a healthy relationship with a person who actually cares for me and i can trust, i have great friends who i’m really close to, honestly i don’t even remember when was the last time i was this happy 

for the first time in my life, i am trying a relationship with someone that i like but more than that i admire that he respects me and treats me well, instead of with someone whom im madly in love with but is toxic and treats me like shit

and i have to say i feel calm and like it’s working out and i’ve never felt this calm and confident about any of my relationships before, instead i was always just paranoid, anxious and just waiting for things to go wrong