stockhlmsyndrome:

5:00: oh boy Chinese food

5:05: I ate way too much Chinese food

5:10: oh boy leftover Chinese food

ppl always ask me “”what are you going to do with your degree”“ and ““if you wanna get a PHD how do you plan on paying for it”“ and ”“where are you gonna move after college”“ but here is the thing:

i am very powerful and cute and im gonna float through this world one day at a time. please leave me alone.

Source: onlytwitterpics

codeinewarrior:

i look so cute in other people’s bathrooms when i’m drunk

Pros and Cons of being my friend

easterelf:

Cons

I’m an asshole

Pros

I’m your asshole

84emojis:

boy: *takes more than 3 minutes to text back*

me: *opens quote post* “A man has always wanted to lay me down, but he never wanted to pick me up.” -Eartha Kitt