so since i found out that i by some miracle got accepted to university, i’ve went through different stages of first being really shocked, then kind of happy, then really not wanting to go and then crying my eyes out and having an actual panic attack
the problem is that i never really thought i would get accepted so i didn’t really think about it for real? for example, i applied to psychology and i don’t even really want to do psychology? i mean all this time i was more or less focused on the idea of the gap year and tbh in a way i made plans and started to kind of looking forward to it
at this point i’m mostly really confused about what i want – in a way i really really don’t want to go, but at the same time i want to a little? i just really can’t picture myself there or idk learning about something for the next 3 years that i don’t really want to do.
i would actually still love to take a gap year, but the problem is that i’m afraid that even if i retake my exams i won’t be able to get to a good university again? i mean based on my grades, i really did get lucky this time. and i know it would be really irrational and dumb to reject my place and stay in slovenia for another year, but i just.. idk… i don’t want to go??
so basically i really don’t know what to do and i’m freaking out and i don’t know how to deal with all this so idk.. what am i supposed to do??
darknesstohislight 