omg its 5.30 am and i suddenly remembered my shitty, manipulative ex out of nowhere and how i was ready to do anything for him and let him become my whole world, while he was lying, cheating, humiliating me in front of all of our friends, then guilt-tripping me and making it his goal to prove to me just how insignificant i was to him. i did some terrible things to myself and others because of this toxic situation that was going on. all that while i was just waiting for him to love me back, forgiving him for everything and constantly taking him back –for 3 fucking years.

i feel like this is the first time that i properly see things clearly without still being emotionally involved with him and it makes me so angry. i’m with someone who actually treats me well and respects me now and i’m so mad that i let that shitty human being make mefeel so much that i still now compare my feelings for him to my feelings for my current boyfriend and let it affect me in any way. i said i was done with him so many times before, but he always somehow got me to take him back, and i really hope it’s true this time. idk i’m honestly suddenly feeling disgusted now that i could ever fall so low and i can’t sleep because i just keep raging in my head.