The past two weeks I have really been working on improving how I’m feeling, I actually managed to eat and sleep more-or-less regularly for the first time after probably like 2 months and while there was still a bunch of responsibilities and things that I was ignoring I really thought it’s getting better. But then at the start of this week few things happened that literally made it all collapse and made it worse again and I’ve been trying to ignore it and tell myself I’m fine, but really I’ve spent the past week depressed, drunk and crying and super anxious to the point that I keep being tempted to self harm again. It was also my 20th birthday this week and I basically spent the whole night crying. This time I especially don’t understand why it got this bad again, because there was nothing that big or bad that triggered it, it was pretty much a minor thing. What makes it even worse is that my social life has been a big mess lately, which I don’t even care about that much, but it makes me feel a bit shittier anyway. Also my friends at uni, as much as they think I tell them ‘everything’ (like whats happening in my life and shit) I don’t feel like talking to them about this. However, they’ve all noticed I’ve been a big mess this last week, but they would attribute it to some minor things e.g. the fact that the guy I was seeing dumped me or shit like that, which are not really relevant and barely have anything to do with it, so while they try to be supportive and all they also tend to make jokes about how I’m being a mess (especially since I’ve spent the last week being a bit irrational and freaking out or just making things worse) or say things like “just get yourself together” and tend to be judgemental, but really they have no idea how I’m actually feeling which is just making me angry with them and feel worse.