so i have almost 90% decided to take a gap year next year, and tbh i don’t really know why, partly because i’m scared of leaving, partly because i don’t think my grades will be good enough, but mostly because i just feel like it??? tbh i really don’t know what’s the real reason behind it. 

but it just kind of sucks because ALL of my friends are going to university, most of them to another country since i go to international school  and idk it just kind of sucks because i have no idea what i’m going to do next year and i’m afraid i’ll be all lonely and idk

but then it’s not like i stress about it enough already on my own (and i stress about it constantly, whether it was the right decision etc.), no also EVERYONE around me keeps convincing me to go to university next year and being like “but what are you going to do here?” “so are you just like going to work in a bar for the entire year?” “don’t you want to leave this shitty town?” “cmon you should go and we’ll both be uni students together” “don’t waste a year" etc etc. and its just like fuck you for making me even more anxious and unsure, it’s not like i don’t worry about it enough already -_____-